Geared up

Sad to say, I didn't make the cut. Of course I saw that coming. Everything has a price to pay. For me, the price I had to pay is the luxury of a break before another strenuous year ahead plus a re-exam I have to take. Initially, like others, I blamed, cursed and swear. I probably scolded myself trillion times for being playful and sleeping during lectures but what's the point of saying this at this point of time. From time to time, I'd console myself saying it's alright at least I'll be more prepared for alevels (i guess..) But do you think I really feel so? Half of my mind got away thinking so but the other? It just constantly blame myself being dumb. Until now, I'm still not confident. Why so? where have my motivated self gone to? :(